i saw a lemonade stand today.

i feel like the ice cream truck man learned something that the lemonade stand people never learned:
i want my cold ice cream to come to me on hot summer days and i just have to walk to the driveway. and i dont actually want to go looking for delicious lemonade to cool off with.

so dear lemonade stand people, can you please come to me instead of the other way around?

life is weird.


God is good
and faithful

i am forgetful
again.

it has happened.
i have dreamed of the future
and it came true.
and it is horrible.

about a week and a half ago, i had a horrifying dream which resulted in me waking up and frantically searching through my pillows looking for tiny red bugs. now the only red bugs that i can think of right now are red ants. but i know was not looking for red ants. i was looking for lice. [i think the reason they were red is because they were sent from the nazi's].
anyway
i was horrified and of course in the morning my head was so itchy. so i had my mom check my head. just in case. of course there was nothing there. [insert sigh of relief here]

then this last tuesday, a case of lice was reported at my work! my horrifying dream is coming true!! and since then 3 more cases have been reported. and apparently lice are very excellent jumpers, and they jump from head to head.

disgusting.

i can not get lice. one of the main reasons is found in the best Christmas pageant ever by barbara robinson.

"my friend alice wendleken was so nasty clean that she had detergent hands by the time she was four years old. just the same, alice picked up a case of head lice when she was at summer camp, and somehow imogene found out about that. she would sneak up on alice at recess and holler "Cooties!" and smack alice's head. she nearly knocked alice cross-eyed before one of the teachers saw her and took both of them in to the principal.
"now, whats this all about?" the principal wanted to know, but alice wouldnt say.
"i had to hit her." imogene told him. shes got cooties and i saw one crawling in her hair and i dont want them on me."
"you did not see one!" alice said. i dont have them anymore!"
"what do you mean, you dont have them anymore?" the principal said. "did you have them lately?" it really shook him up-- he didnt want a whole school full of kids with cooites. so he sent alice to the health room and the nurse went all through her head with a fine-tooth comb and a magnifying glass and finally said it was all right.
but it was too late--everybody called alice "cooties" the whole rest of the year.

i dont want to be known as "cooties" for any amount of time, let alone the whole rest of the year! yikes.

in the hiding place, corrie ten boom talks about how there were fleas and lice in their beds. and betsie was like 'corrie, we have to be thankful even for this, because its keeping the guards out and we can read the bible without interruption'

i dont have lice yet, and i hope i dont get it because it will be very hard to find a reason to be thankful for it.

i have never been good with to-do lists

i have things to do:

clean/organize room
clean fish bowl
clean kitchen
mop kitchen floor
fill out more job applications
try to calm down my mother because of our open house tomorrow, she is stressed
buy pops a birthday present
wrap said present
design a bulletin board
become energized for church tomorrow
become refreshed for work on monday
email anna
call heather
call alisa
send in rsvp for alisas wedding
find somebody to take to alisas wedding before i rsvp
decided if im going to sharing night for bible study
have a quiet time

i think i forgot stuff. but this will work for now.
perhaps i should get busy.
if only i could get motivated
maybe i will start with breakfast :)

i have culture shock.


culture shock defined:

Culture shock is the anxiety and feelings (of surprise, disorientation, uncertainty, confusion, etc.) felt when people have to operate within a different and unknown culture such as one may encounter in a foreign country. It grows out of the difficulties in assimilating the new culture, causing difficulty in knowing what is appropriate and what is not. This is often combined with a dislike for or even disgust (moral or aesthetical) with certain aspects of the new or different culture.

[thank you wikipedia]

next question would be "why does janna have culture shock? she hasn't been in a foreign country recently...so this doesnt make sense"

you are right. i have not been in a foreign country, but i have entered into a new culture.

this new culture of mine is called adulthood.

there are phases to culture shock. [who knew...wikipedia apparently] and we are going to talk about where i am and how im doing with this new development.

1. the honeymoon phase
"during this period, the differences between the old [childhood] and the new [adulthood] culture are seen in a romantic light, wonderful and new...this period is full of observations and new discoveries. but like any honeymoon, this phase ends"

i started my job with high hopes of teaching kids how to count, learn colors and rhyme and to sing the happiest songs...because in my head, thats what preschoolers should be doing. they should be playing and be read to. they should also be full of energy, ready to learn and discover new things. they should be given boundaries but within those boundaries should be room to learn and grow.
this thinking of mine has stopped.

2. the negotiation phase [which we know from heather's traumatic experience on sunday is also in the stages of grief, but with different wording]
"after some time (usually weeks), differences between the old and new culture become apparent and may create anxiety. that sense of excitement will eventually give way to new and unpleasant feelings of frustration and anger as you continue to have unfavorable encounters that strike you as strange, offensive and unacceptable.....this phase is often marked by mood swings caused by minor issues or without apparent reasons. this is where excitement turns to disappointment and more and more differences start to occur. depression is not uncommon."

where did my excitement go??? oh right. the anxiety [and depression?] about becoming an adult ate it. for breakfast. why is there sooo much traffic at 7:42 in the morning?? i hardly even know what a bill is and now i have to pay them? what?!? and why can't kids just get along? why must they bite and throw their food on the floor? and for goodness sake, WHY CAN'T PARENTS POTTY TRAIN THEIR CHILDREN?!?!?!?!?!?! i am so sad for the future of america. kids cant rhyme or count or sing their abc's or heck, some of my kids dont even talk yet. how is this possible???
usually i am so excited for friday. i mean my gosh, its friday! last friday i was so angry i took some equate nite time [!] and went to bed way early because i was so mad. at everything. talk about mood swings.
i was fine on saturday. clearly i am in this phase of culture shock. i just cant cope.

3. the adjustment phase
"again after some time (6 to 12 months) [6 to 12 months?!?!?!?! what?!?] one grows accustomed to the new culture and develops routines. one knows what to expect in most situations...and starts to develop problem-solving skills for dealing with that culture and begins to accept the new culture with a positive attitude. the culture begins to make sense and negative reactions and responses to the culture are reduced. reaching this stage requires a constructive response to culture shock with effective means of adaptation."

this seems impossible and unlikely.

and now i will quote audrey and helen from raising helen:

audrey: don't you remember what it was like to be young???
helen: of course i remember...it was last tuesday!!!

this is how i feel. i will never get to stage 3 because i cant adapt, adjust or cope with change.
[also i dont believe in evolution?]

[a special thanks to wikipedia for defining my mood swings]

solo tomorrow
i am one sicky person
death could be so close.

so my kids are super cute. the majority of them are african american or mixed.

and even though they are super cute, sometimes i cant tell the difference between the boys and the girls.

i dont know if i should be laughing or disturbed.

i rock the scrub look

well. its true. i think i have a job.
and its not a dream job.
but its not bad.
as long as i dont have to stay there very long.

i am working at a wannabepre-k/betterthanadaycare place.

definitely a ministry. most of these kids come from low income families and need somebody to love them. for now that somebody is me. during nap time, i am committing to pray for each kid by name at least once. i am also praying for me during nap time...that i will have a heart that will love them and not yell at them like [probably] many of the adults in their lives do. [i dont know for sure, but i have an imagination and a pretty good idea]. i am praying that God would give me a heart of compassion, because i could be the only reflection of Christ that they ever see.

on the upside:
i get an hour for lunch!
i almost dont know what to do with myself.
i also get to wear scrubs!
they are the comfiest things i have ever worn practically.

at first i wasnt sure that i would like the scrub rule, but then i thought back to my time during school when i had to help in a daycare....deciding what to wear was always horrible. it was, in reality, deciding what clothing i would be 'ok' with smelling like grossness until the next time i did laundry. then i went to work. in my happiest scrubs. and then some kid was crying and his nose was running and it didnt matter because a. i am wearing scrubs and b. i am never wearing the scrub shirt outside of work.

the pants, however are a completely different story.

they are the most amazing pants i have ever had. they are comfy and the right length. and apparently i will have pj pants for the next hundred years with these babies. if i ever take a vacation, guess what pants im wearing on the plane....my scrub pants! if i ever go see a midnight movie [ha!] guess what pants im wearing...my scrub pants! if i ever become a doctor, guess what pants im wearing my first day...my scrub pants! amazing

so my random day yesterday included walking into my new place of employment and being hired on the spot. [and like an hour before, i was cutting out stuff for my teacher friend/workout buddy and she was like 'you better go, or else everything will be closed soon' and i was like 'yeah, bcause it takes soo long for employers to say 'thanks but no thanks' and then i went and got hired. nuts!] there was other stuff too, but its hard to explain.

anyway, im not enirely sure what my schedule looks like, but i think it will be from 8 to 5 monday through friday.
like im an actual adult with an acutal job that i go to every day in the worlds comfiest pants.

for now

this has been the most random day of my life.
and its not even over.
so it could potentially get even more random.
if thats possible.
which on random days everything is possible.

[also: i think i have a job...not a dream job, but a job nonetheless...i will post tomorrow to tell you all if its real or not]

hurray for monks! i will post them [probably on facebook] in the very near future!

but im thanking God for providing.
He is good.
I am forgetful.

i think that every month i will take a picture of a monk from my monk calendar. and post a monk of the month. thoughts?

i feel stuck.

ok. so go look at our little rosie girl:

http://picasaweb.google.com/jedandjuliepics/WinterAndSpring#

cause she is a supercutiepatootie of course!


but this one is definitely one of my favorites:

i think i need a plan 'b'
because my plan 'a' isn't working

so here are some possible options:

1. take up painting. [maybe i have an artsy side that i never knew about?]
2. become a journalist and travel all over the world and write about supercool important stuff
3. become a secret shopper.
4. become a nanny for a sea captain in austria and take care of his 7 kids and then fall in love with him while singing in the alps
5. marry a garbage man, because they are super strong and probably super rich because who really wants to be a garbage man anyway?
6. start a bakery. i make some delicious chocolate chip cookies.
7. become a professional hermit [i think this one is a real possibility]
8. become a food critic. [or just the dessert kind]
9. become a book critic. or a song critic. or maybe just a critic? [that cant be good]
10. become the next big thing to hit the travel channel. i could start my own show and travel wherever i want


all of that to say im so glad God doesn't have or need a plan 'b' for my life. now if only i could figure out what His plan 'a' is, i'd be good to go.

so last night i was almost done with a post when my internet went berserk and died for like 8 seconds. and my post was gone. gone gone gone.

janna: "sometimes easter just comes over you all at once. and it seems so impossible. [hurray for grace!]

anna: "Easter reminds me of those resurrection rolls that you always talked about-- but never made..."

janna: "well come and visit...i will make you some. its amazing because when they come out of the oven, they are empty!"

anna: "I still don't believe it and demand photographic evidence"

janna: "ok. or you could just come and visit."

...................................................................................................................................................


since anna did not come to visit over Easter, here are the pictures of the famous resurrection rolls!


step 1: roll marshmallow into butter. then into
cinnamonsugar goodness. [sorry heather]
unroll crescent roll and place marshmallow
inside [like putting Jesus in the tomb]
place in oven and follow directions on crescent roll tube.



















step 2: take out of oven and spread melted butter on top. add cinnamon sugar mix to top if desired. caution: they are hot! [because of the marshmallow goo exploding everywhere and all]










step 3: break open crescent roll and behold! its empty!! all that is left is marshmallow goo and cinnamon sugary goodness. you might need a glass of milk to go with it :)










there you have it. resurrection rolls.

[also anna, i should get extra credit in heaven because i watched the passion on good friday. and believe me, i think once a school year is plenty.]

and i really want to be like "Jesus, you know im not worth that...you should just go back to God."
but i am so glad that Jesus and i dont have the same mindset and im so glad he was brave enough and in God's will enough to go through with it.

because He did all that. for me.

insane.

well it is 5:23am and i am wide awake. i am confused about this for 2 reasons
1. i was really tired last night
and
2. i was up past midnight
however

i can tell you that part of its is because i am nervous. [there is also a really loud bird out my window but that is beside the point]

the gut-wrenching, vomit-inducing, knee-shaking, hand-wobbling, wakeupat5am sort of nervous

what to know why? well first i will tell you things that it could be, but isnt
it is not because
1. i have an interview [boohiss]
2. i have some big test looming over my head. [i will at some point if i ever get a teaching job...but that is not today]
3. i am waiting for something in the mail
4. i have a date [boohiss?]
5. i am debating between 2 pairs of shoes
6. i know the ice cream man is coming and if i dont make a decision he will leave [men...sheesh]
7. i am watching some movie with enough action to produce that kind of nervousness
8. i have something due in 3 hours
9. i am 3 months pregnant and have to tell my parents why i gained 12 pounds [i havent]
10. i am secretly a world famous something about to reveal myself on oprah [im not]

i am nervous [the gut-wrenching, vomit-inducing, knee-shaking, hand-wobbling, wakeupat5am sort of nervous kind] because i have to sing a solo.
not just any solo.
a solo with a choir.

70 some odd people [i know its over 70 because my music is number 68 and there are people before and after me] [not to mention people in the audience...there are tons of them] waiting for me to come in at just the right time, with just the right pitch, with just the right tempo, with just the right amount of skill to sound amazing and bring 'em to tears [or something?]

to top it off its not just the normal sunday morning choir song. nono. it is for when we dedicate our new church building. oh the pressure.

talk about scary.

the only good thing is i reallyreally love the song.
so i couldn't say no because i don't want anyone else to sing it either.

deep breaths.
...

i am so amused by the emperor's new groove.

and thats all i know for today.

things i remember


i remember

• my grandma making playdough for me. and then i got to play with it [with cookie cutters]

• making roly-poly cookies [our special name for snickerdoodles, because they look like the bug]

• eating boiled custard with graham crackers [this deliciousness is really hard to explain, but it is soo satisfying]
  

• there was this song that she always sang when i would come into the kitchen for breakfast...i would sit on her knee and would watch jack [my grandpa] make breakfast and she would sing: "I love ol' janna, i do, i do. i love ol' janna i do! i love ol' janna and you would tooooooo....ifffff you knew ol' janna like we-e all do!" [what a lovely way to start the day]

• she would always hold the back of my shirt if i got to close to the lake while fishing.
  

• once i was tattle-tale and she actually pinned a tale on my backside and i had to walk around like that for my punishment.
  

• there is this book called 'johnny texas' i have no idea what is about but one summer my mom decided i had to read it. i didnt want to so my grandma read it to me. the only part i remember is when johnny met a snake. apparently it was intense because jack came in, gave me the "be quiet" symbol and scared the daylights out of mamaw. [apparently if you live in texas you have to read it...heather, this means you]
  

• the best hiding spot [which happens to be the most obvious, therefore is it really the best? my younger self apparently didnt care] in her house happens to be a cabinet in the wall of the bathroom. its low to the ground so you can crawl into it and big so julie and i could fit in together...who cares that it was actually for dirty clothes?

• when i had the chicken pox over spring break one year, mamaw made me take an oatmeal [maybe?] bath. it was really gross. and i cant remember if it helped.
  

• she claimes that the fastest she ever saw me move was when madison and i were sharing a bed and madison threw up that night.
  

• she sent me a monthly allowance during college

• she prays for me

• and loves me

[note: my grandmother is not dead...but she did take a pretty hard fall this morning and my mom is still traveling there tonight. we think that she is doing ok under the circumstances, but she is just so tiny and frail its hard to tell.]
[also: they ran a test on her brain and even though she is over 90 years old, her brain is functioning at the level of a 60 year old brain. wow. i wonder if mine will still be working that well when im over 90 or if this brain cloud is going to be the death of me. literally]

Hard things thus far about a blog:

1. actually deciding to start one
2. picking a decent name
3. picking a layout
4. having things to say

I think that 1 and 4 are related. I was hesitant to start because I wasn't sure I would actually find brilliant things to say. And to paraphrase Elizabeth Bennett/Jane Austen/the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice: "Neither of us wishes to speak unless we say something that will amaze the whole room" This applies to me. I would much rather remain silent or say something that will amaze everybody. Something clever and smart-sounding. Like I should be reading some intense sort of literature or watching fox news on a regular basis. Or I should be super hilarious so as to leave my readers in stitches.

Picking a name was really hard. It took me a couple of days. When I graduated, my parents got me the book "Oh the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss and I really wanted that to be my title, because lets be real, I'm going places. And apparently I am letting you go with me via this blog. However horror upon horrors that name was already taken. So I turned to Winnie-the-Pooh. He has never let me down. He gave me a song about about rain clouds, a phrase to say when it looks like rain and he taught me that spelling Tuesday isn't always what matters in life. And really, how can you be uncheered by a balloon?

Next came the layout. Talk about hard! Obviously I wanted one with the happiest sort of balloons. But that was not to be. So I had to go with polka-dots. Close enough for now I suppose.

[and heather: i totally understand the brainfreeze of the mind [maybe its a brain cloud?]...but its happening to me too]

Well. Here it is. The much anticipated, long awaited blog from me.

I am mostly sure this is going to be a random compilation of whatever strikes my fancy on any given day. It will be brilliant. And heartbreaking. And breathtaking. And life-changing. And [just face it] brilliant.
[because I am under the impression that most things that are brilliant are heartbreaking and breathtaking and life-changing...if you don't believe me, go to an art museum or a symphony, or heck, read the Bible]

To explain my title: "Nobody can be uncheered by a balloon"
This took a minute or 2 for me to figure out. However it only means that one cannot be down or unhappy when given a balloon.
Winnie-the-Pooh said it first and who are we to disagree with such a historic figure [even if he is a bear of very little brain]

So I went running/jogging/walking this morning. It was weird. I am finding that things in the gym that people use for exercise mean nothing in the real world. For example: when I was a child I loved riding my bike. Then a couple of years ago for my birthday I got this really great old fashioned looking bike and the other day I went for a bike ride. It was nothing like biking at the gym. Also actually running/jogging on the road with hills and stuff is nothing like running on an elliptical.
It makes me wonder if anything really prepares you for "the real world" [whatever that means]. But I am not sure. So far I haven't been able to put my college degree into good use and apparently biking and ellipticaling in the gym doesn't prepare you for really biking or running.

Maybe that's why prayer is important?